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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22487758">Disintegration</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/UninspiredPoet/pseuds/UninspiredPoet'>UninspiredPoet</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>World of Warcraft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>80s/90s au chapter, Angst, Best album ever recorded deserves best ship ever shipped, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I do what I want, Lesbian Relationship, Loss, Songfic, Time Skips</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 14:42:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,167</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22487758</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/UninspiredPoet/pseuds/UninspiredPoet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of Valadrin one-shots set to the tracklisting of The Cure's 'Disintegration' album.<br/>Each entry will have a different plot that centers around the theme or mood of its song.</p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <i>((Disclaimer: My not-for-profit transformative work is only published by me on Archive of Our Own. I do not give my consent or authorization for it to be reproduced or displayed on any third-party websites or apps.))</i>
  </p>
</div>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Liadrin/Valeera Sanguinar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Plainsong</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Liadrin and Valeera have found themselves trying to survive in the End Times. </p><p>They have come to find that they need much less motivation to continue living than either of them ever suspected.<br/>They've come to find that what they need most of all is each other.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="center">
<p><a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/161614435@N03/49466924176/in/dateposted-public/"></a></p></div>Liadrin had grown used to the unbearable ache in her joints. She had grown used to the sand constantly tearing at the cloth and leather most of her body was wrapped in, lest it scour her skin away each time it whipped around her in another of endless, merciless gusts of wind. Dry, hot, lifeless wind.<p>Dry.</p><p>Her mouth had never been so dry.</p><p>For a moment, the thought distracted her. Just long enough for her to stumble. For the dunes to catch against the tips of her worn boots and bring her down quickly.</p><p>She considered staying, then, as a shudder wracked her body and she watched Valeera’s form in front of her grow more distant in the storm of sand they'd been traveling through for days, now.</p><p>She considered no longer being a burden to the younger woman. To the woman she loved with every broken fiber of her very being. </p><p>As if she'd somehow heard those thoughts, one of Valeera’s ears twitched and she turned sharply in Liadrin’s direction, wincing to keep the sand from her eyes.</p><p>Silently, she made her way back to where Liadrin had fallen and reached down for her as she used her free hand on the staff she carried to keep her balance.</p><p>“Not today.” Valeera husked dryly, her voice muffled as Liadrin tried to wave her off.</p><p>Instead, Liadrin found herself tugged rather roughly to her feet so close to Valeera that she could see her eyes. The only things left exposed between the layers of scarf wrapped around her head.</p><p>Until the younger woman tugged that scarf down to hang around her neck just to be sure Liadrin could hear her. “Not today. Do you understand me?” </p><p>Liadrin’s head nodded weakly. Not in agreement, though. She was so close to losing consciousness she could barely stand.</p><p>Her eyes snapped open in response to the sudden, painful way Valeera gripped her face in her hands and bared her teeth at her.</p><p>“Today then? Is today the day I let the sands take me because you gave up on us?” Liadrin felt her head jerk as Valeera’s hand shifted from her cheek to the back of her neck, and then their foreheads were pressed together in a way that made a little space between them. Where there was no whipping sand or stifling air. </p><p>“I'm not ready, Liadrin.” Valeera continued, more quietly. “But I won't go a step further without you.” </p><p>“It hurts.” Liadrin rasped as she leaned weakly against Valeera, who licked her lips rather fruitlessly while she reached towards her belt for the water skin that hung there.</p><p>“No.” Liadrin protested as Valeera uncorked it and lifted it to her lips.</p><p>“I'm not giving you a choice, here.” Valeera countered. “It either goes down your throat or into the sand.” </p><p>A moment later, Liadrin had finished the last of their water. No more than a sip or two. </p><p>And then she was following Valeera. Now, with a rope fastened to her belt so that Valeera would know if she fell behind. </p><p>A time came, eventually, when even Valeera began to waver. When Liadrin could no longer support her own weight, and Valeera had to do it for her. She would stop, every so often. Stop and lower them both down into the increasingly inviting softness of the sand so that she could gather herself as she wrapped one of her shawls around them for a brief reprieve.</p><p>In those moments, she would look to Liadrin for her strength. To the fading golden glow of her eyes, which had dimmed so much as to reveal threads of honeyed brown in their irises. To the fine creases beside them - which she would run her thumbs over softly. To all of these things that still belonged to her when nothing else did.</p><p>Not time. Not even her own life. </p><p>They were both just hands on the face of a clock now. Grains in an hourglass. Desperately searching for a haven in the end of times. Searching for somewhere that might allow them water. Perhaps food, now and again. </p><p>Somewhere that would allow Valeera to ease the terrible aches from Liadrin’s body. A body that was now aging inside, even as her appearance remained deceptive. </p><p>Hers, too, would begin to fade - she had no doubt.</p><p>But Liadrin…how much time could she possibly have left?</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
</div>Liadrin murmured quietly at the feeling of warm, clean water dribbling down her back from the cloth in Valeera’s hands. Her eyes fluttered open slowly, taking in the sight of firelight flickering over worn walls and a floor that stayed covered in dust no matter how religiously it was swept.<p>“You fell asleep,” Valeera whispered as she began drying Liadrin’s hunched shoulders before placing a series of kisses to them. </p><p>“I'm sorry.” Liadrin murmured as she slowly turned around before Valeera could begin kneading them. She sat on the edge of the mat they shared every night, taking the damp cloth from Valeera’s hands to place it in the basin nearby. “I'm always so tired.”</p><p>Valeera swallowed thickly and nodded as she offered Liadrin a half-hearted smile. “I know. It's okay.” </p><p>Valeera lowered herself so that she could sit with Liadrin, then, and was surprised when Liadrin leaned over to brush a kiss against the underside of her jaw. Surprised, again, when Liadrin reached for the too-worn buckle of the belt that held her breeches around her waist. </p><p>“The food is going to burn,” Valeera whispered even as she tilted her head back at Liadrin’s urging to receive the other woman’s attention along the front of her throat. Strange. How long had it been since Liadrin had touched her like this? Since she'd had the strength or the energy to?</p><p>Liadrin’s eyes flickered towards the fire where a small animal unfamiliar to either of them was roasting and then shut again. “We have time.” </p><p>Valeera chose to ignore the falsity of that statement. Just like she chose to ignore the fact that she didn't know how they'd ended up here.</p><p>She would much rather focus on Liadrin pressing her down into the softness of their makeshift bed and the warmth of skin against skin and the fire that still remained in Liadrin’s touch than the fact that she couldn't for the life of her recall finding this place.</p><p>Or the source of the water she had bathed Liadrin with. Or even hunting their dinner. </p><p>If Liadrin was thinking those same thoughts, she was good enough at hiding it. Or at least good enough at giving them both something else to focus on, in this place that might not have been a place at all. </p><p>Somewhere at the edge of time. At the end of all things living. A place only for them. With water and game enough for comfort. </p><p>Or perhaps they had never gotten up. Perhaps they were still wrapped in Valeera’s shawl, embraced and together in the sand. Not living, maybe. No, not living. Did one have to be alive to dream? Did one have to be alive to love? </p><p>She looked down when she felt something strange and watched in horror as Liadrin began slipping through her fingers. Grain by grain. Quicker, and quicker, and quicker. Until she was desperately pushing mounds of sand aside only to find nothing. Over and over again. </p><p>Only more sand. In her hands. Whipping into her eyes now that the walls of their hut had fallen away to reveal endless dunes as far as she could see. </p><p>“Liadrin?!” She cries as she struggled to her feet and found it impossible to take even a single step lest she begin sinking. “Liadrin, please!”</p><p>A single, broken sob tore from her throat as she fell to her knees. A sob that turned into a scream full of more rage and confusion than she had ever felt in her life. “Please...please, don't leave me-”</p><p>Valeera’s eyes snapped open as she jerked awake in bed and dragged a series of rapid, panicked breaths into her lungs. A chill had blown over her from the now-open entryway of their cabin.</p><p>“Valeera?”</p><p>Liadrin shut the door quickly against the cold wind outside and shook the snow from her ears and hair as she dumped an armful of firewood onto the floor and unhooked a pair of hares from where they hung at her belt. </p><p>“You were sleeping,” Liadrin reassured as she unclasped her snow-caked cloak from her shoulders and hung it on a nail that protruded from the frame of the door. </p><p>Valeera swallowed hard against the dryness of her throat as her eyes burned while they took in the sight of Liadrin. Too thin, perhaps. And with a slight limp to her gait, as she approached Valeera where she'd been resting. But alive. Very much alive. Real. </p><p>She hadn't managed to reassure herself quickly enough to stop the tears from coming, but Liadrin managed to swipe them away with her thumbs as she cradled Valeera’s face for a moment before pulling her gently into her arms once she was close enough to kneel in front of her. She hadn't even realized she was holding her arms out. All she knew was Liadrin was in them, now.</p><p>“Nightmares again?” Liadrin asked quietly as Valeera touched her everywhere she could just to feel that she was solid. That she was whole. </p><p>“I don't know,” Valeera admitted as her forehead came to rest against the leather that covered Liadrin’s shoulder with a quiet thump. “I...yes. Again. Like always. We never made it out. You were gone. Like you never even existed. You just slipped through my hands and I couldn't do anything about it, I-”</p><p>“Tell me how we got here.” Liadrin urged gently as she stroked through Valeera’s hair. There was nothing but patience in her tone, save a little concern perhaps. But this was something they had been through countless times. And Valeera wasn't the only one who had ever needed her nightmares chased away. </p><p>“We walked. Through the sandstorm. We’d been walking for two weeks when we found the edge of it. When we happened upon this forest.”</p><p>“And then what happened?” Liadrin asked as she pressed her lips against Valeera’s brow. </p><p>“In the center of the forest, we found this cabin. You told me it looked like it once belonged to trappers.” Valeera continued, now finding it a bit easier to calm her breathing. “There is a spring nearby. A hot spring. We needn't even break through ice for our water, and I found the trappers’ lines and we repaired them together months ago.” </p><p>“And I am right here with you,” Liadrin suggested, next. “And I am more creaky than I might like, and I might have lines next to my eyes when I smile, but I am here. And I am not leaving you. Not ever.”</p><p>“And you aren't leaving me.” Valeera agreed with a shuddering exhale of breath. “Not ever.”</p><p>“And this is real,” Liadrin whispered against Valeera's cheek as the younger woman nodded. “Because it isn't possible for a world to end when you can hold your entire world in your arms.”</p><p>Valeera swallowed thickly as she ran her hands up Liadrin’s chest to grip the front of her leather tunic while her heart slowed to a more manageable rhythm.</p><p>“What does that make you?” Liadrin asked as she placed her next kiss to Valeera’s cheek.</p><p>“Your entire world,” Valeera responded. Firmly. </p><p>“Yes.” Liadrin murmured as she pushed the rabbits further aside and plopped onto the floor with little to no grace in order to pull Valeera into her lap. “Always.”</p><p>Liadrin smiled, then. She smiled and Valeera looked up at her and finally gathered enough of her own wits to reach up and press the warmth of her hands against Liadrin’s cold-reddened cheeks. </p><p>“And this is our first winter, but not our last.” Valeera murmured, and Liadrin’s smile broadened.</p><p>“That's my line,” Liadrin whispered, turning her head so she could press her face into Valeera’s hand. </p><p>Valeera dismissed Liadrin’s complaint with a quiet laugh, then, and Liadrin finally began moving away from her. The snow caked onto the rest of her clothing had begun to melt, and the last thing she needed was to get them both sick from the dampness. </p><p>Not that there weren't a hundred bundles of helpful herbs and plants hanging from the old wooden rafters above them that Valeera had painstakingly identified and hung to dry.</p><p>Things to assist with any number of things. Seasoning for food. Headaches. Sicknesses. Even symptoms of aging. </p><p>In fact, Valeera reached for just the right bundle when they both finally stood. </p><p>One that would become a tea for Liadrin to drink by the time she was finished skinning their rabbits and cleaning herself up. A tea that would prevent the ache of winter from settling any further into her bones. </p><p>So that they might instead enjoy their evening together over a fine rabbit stew, and then lose themselves in whatever might come after that.</p><p>Here, in their little hut at the edge and end of time, itself.</p><p>But not the end of the world. </p><p>Not for them.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <iframe></iframe>
  </p>
  <p>"Plainsong"<br/>
The Cure</p>
  <p>I think it's dark and it looks like it's rain, you said<br/>
And the wind is blowing like it's the end of the world, you said<br/>
And it's so cold, it's like the cold if you were dead<br/>
And then you smiled for a second</p>
  <p>I think I'm old and I'm feeling pain, you said<br/>
And it's all running out like it's the end of the world, you said<br/>
And it's so cold, it's like the cold if you were dead<br/>
And then you smiled for a second</p>
  <p>Sometimes you make me feel<br/>
Like I'm living at the edge of the world<br/>
Like I'm living at the edge of the world<br/>
It's just the way I smile, you said</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Pictures Of You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sometimes things fall into place right away in an unbelievably perfect, clandestine way.</p><p>And sometimes it takes years and years of not knowing what you want, or knowing exactly what you want - but not when. </p><p>From a by-chance meeting between old classmates at an arcade in '81, Liadrin and Valeera discover over the course of a decade that their paths were always meant to cross.</p><p>That sometimes it takes years for crossing paths to become converging lines. </p><p>And that sometimes it takes years to be at the right place at exactly the right time.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/161614435@N03/49490243981/in/dateposted-public/">
      
    </a>
  </p>
</div>It wasn’t a very big town.<p>It wasn’t hard to see that. Not very hard at all to see that almost every person who was out past eight on a Friday night was at the arcade. The cars were lined up around the block. Anyone from High School age on had claimed their favorite machine and started to work at putting their initials - appropriate or not - back on that high-score list. </p><p>And Valeera loved it. She loved snapping pictures of the neons in the arcade windows. She loved sneaking shots of couples caught unawares sitting on the trunks of their cars. Each time one of the photos slid out of the feeder on her Polaroid she would wave it around for a moment before tucking it into the bag strung across her shoulder. </p><p>What she loved even more was finally going inside. Into the smokey haze. Into the faint beer-smell the owners just couldn’t seem to get to stay out of the once-bright, colorful carpets. </p><p>What the carpets now lacked in vividness, the machines and the sounds certainly made up for. Flashing and dinging and the most ridiculous punching noises. She smiled as she let her camera hang around her neck so she could receive a hug from Tess. One of the few friends she had left from school.  </p><p>One of the many friends that, unlike Valeera, hadn’t managed to get out of this place. Because it had always been one of those places you just seemed to get stuck in. </p><p>As she walked down another row of machines, she spotted another familiar sight. </p><p>Liadrin. Liadrin, who had been a year ahead of her in school. Liadrin, who had been the star kicker of the football team. Still wearing her letterman’s jacket. Leaning over a new pinball machine, this time. Surrounded by a few people who were just as hung up on their teenaged accomplishments as she was. Those faces changed, sometimes. Lor’themar, though, was a constant. </p><p>He’d been Liadrin’s holder, if Valeera could remember correctly. Which she did. She’d been the yearbook’s photographer for three straight years, after all. And the school newspaper. She’d covered every single home game, and had never seen Lor’themar miss a single snap. </p><p>Maybe that’s why they’d always seemed so close. A lot of trust there, after all. </p><p>But jocks had always been a little weird to Valeera. </p><p>Probably as weird as she’d always been to them. </p><p>Well. Weird in a hot sort of way. </p><p>There was something - definitely something - about Liadrin’s swagger. About that same ponytail she’d been wearing for years. About the way those high-waisted jeans fit her just right while she laughed and smiled and was the best at pinball like she was the best at everything. </p><p>Valeera lifted the camera. She didn’t have to press her eye to the viewfinder to know where her shot was. To know that Liadrin was perfectly framed in it as she sent a gloating grin in Lor’themar’s direction when she beat his score. Again. </p><p>Liadrin’s brow furrowed in confusion in response to the flash that Valeera hadn’t bothered to turn off.</p><p>The confusion stayed for a moment as she righted herself and tried her best to figure out why this young woman had just taken her picture. Until she finally remembered who she was, anyway. </p><p>The girl from the sidelines. The girl who always had a camera ready, yet never seemed to wind up with one pointed at herself. Despite how gorgeous she was. Especially right now, in those fishnets and that denim jacket with the white leather fringe. Hair teased just right. Purple eyeshadow the perfect shade - just right to compliment the green of her eyes. </p><p>Liadrin remembered, suddenly, that she’d pretty much always been like that. Done up just so, yet always alone. Just out of reach. They’d both always been that way. Just out of reach to each other, for a hundred different reasons. </p><p>“Hey.” Liadrin greeted with a faint smile of recognition. </p><p>“Yo.” Valeera greeted with a little half-smirk of her own as she waved the picture back and forth on her way over and then held it out to Liadrin. </p><p>“What’s this?” Liadrin asked as she looked down and watched the lines and colors slowly come into focus. </p><p>Lor’themar had since taken his leave. He was nothing if not polite, after all. Or...at least a good wing-man. </p><p>“A picture of you, obviously.” Valeera pointed out a little dryly. “Most people don’t get to see themselves like that. How they look when they think nobody’s watching.”</p><p>Liadrin looked down at the picture for a while. That was true enough, she guessed. She’d seen herself in plenty of photos. From the football field. Holding trophies at championships. But...just having fun at a game of pinball? Not ever. Not that she could remember. </p><p>“Thanks.” Liadrin finally said as she handed it back, watching Valeera tuck it safely back into her bag. “For letting me see. How’ve you been? Since school, I mean? I don’t think we ever talked for more than a minute or two.” </p><p>“Well...there were plenty of reasons for that. But I’ve been alright. I’ve been around. Worked for a couple papers here and there. Just thought I’d visit for a while, you know? See some familiar faces.” </p><p>“Is that what I am? A familiar face?” Liadrin asked, finishing off her beer and tossing it into a nearby trashcan. </p><p>“Yeah,” Valeera responded with a little laugh. “Yeah, I guess so.”  </p><p>“How long are you in town for?” Liadrin asked, then. </p><p>“Morning,” Valeera responded simply. “Just thought I’d stop by here, y’know?” </p><p>It struck Liadrin, suddenly, that this was the closest they’d ever been to each other and for the longest length of time. It struck her that all those worries weren’t exactly worries, anymore. There wasn’t an entire school to worry about. Nobody looking over the star kicker’s shoulder to see if she was talking to the art nerd a little too much. </p><p>“Hey, uh…” Liadrin cleared her throat as Valeera moved closer and leaned against the pinball machine. “I never really got the chance to talk to you in school. You were always around. Taking those pictures. I just never did. I’m sorry about that.”</p><p>“No big.” Valeera responded in a way that made that sound like it really wasn’t. </p><p>It was easy for Liadrin to believe her. </p><p>“I wanted to.” Liadrin continued. “Like. I always wanted to.” </p><p>“So talk to me now.” </p><p>“Yeah.” Liadrin smiled, then. “Yeah. You want a beer or something?” </p><p>“Why don’t we get out of here?” Valeera asked as a couple of kids breezed past them, barely avoiding delivering a rather awkward leg-sweep to her on their way. “You got a car?” </p><p>“My dad’s.” Liadrin responded. “He, uh...keeps saying he’ll buy me one when I finally get off my ass and go to college.” </p><p>Valeera snorted quietly but shrugged. “A car’s a car.” </p><p>The ride was strangely quiet considering all the talking Liadrin had thought they’d do. She drove them to the only place she really knew to take them to. A spot overlooking the airport and most of the rest of town. Dark. Quiet. At least, when she cut the engine of the old station wagon they’d made it here in. </p><p>“Good conversation.” Valeera finally stated as she looked through the windshield. It was a nice view, at least. </p><p>“As if.” Liadrin said with a snort. “I dunno. Maybe I’m just lame.” </p><p>“Not even, McFly. The wagon is rad. Really saved the night.” </p><p>When Valeera looked over, Liadrin was blushing. But she didn’t regret it. Not even close. “C’mon. What’d you wanna say in school? I get it. I get how different we were. That was like four years ago.” She reached over, then, and touched the leather of the sleeve of Liadrin’s jacket. “Maybe you’re a little stuck.” </p><p>“Maybe.” Liadrin admitted with a faint shrug as she reclined her seat with a heavy sigh. “Maybe I just feel guilty.”</p><p>“You were never mean, you know. Not that I would’ve cared. But you weren’t.Would’ve been cool if you’d have done something about it back then. All that staring you did, I mean. But ‘wrong place at the wrong time’ is a thing. It’s most definitely a thing. That doesn’t mean tonight can’t be different.” </p><p>Liadrin looked down as Valeera stroked along the sleeve of her jacket towards her hand, and turned it over in time for Valeera to twine their fingers together. </p><p>“It just took me a while to figure out, you know.” Liadrin started as she enjoyed, for the first time, the warmth of Valeera’s hand in her own. “What I wanted. What was...different about me.”</p><p>“Gone out with anyone since then? Since the figuring out?” Valeera asked, sounding nothing if not sympathetic. She knew not everyone was as free as her. That not everyone was as open to experiences and to life. </p><p>Liadrin made a face that was accompanied by a shrug. “Fooled around a little, maybe. It was just...I was always focused on sports. On school. I didn’t have any time left to figure myself out.”</p><p>“You should get out more.” Valeera responded. “This place is...stifling.” </p><p>“I know.” Liadrin said, still sounding rather muted and forlorn. </p><p>“I’m telling you. Get out of here and you’ll be chatting up more beautiful women than you’ve ever seen. You could be happy, y’know.” </p><p>Liadrin looked out the drivers side window at a pair of headlights that approached and then stopped, having found the spot already occupied. She didn’t speak until she saw the red of tail lights instead. “Are you happy? Out there?” </p><p>“Mostly.” Valeera responded simply. “But I wasn’t ever like you. We both know that. I didn’t have the perfect family. I didn’t have people hanging off of my every word like you still do.”</p><p>Liadrin hadn’t realized how tense she was until her shoulders and her jaw began to ache. It was then that she finally looked over at Valeera. “It isn’t. Perfect, I mean. It’s like my dad wanted a kid that would do what he couldn’t. Seems like he would’ve picked a boy, or something.”</p><p>“Picked?” Valeera asked with a furrow between her brows. </p><p>“Adopted. Whatever you want to call it. It’s not a big deal.” </p><p>“Ever told anyone that before?” Valeera asked as she shifted so she was sitting in the middle of the bench seat. She wanted to be closer, suddenly. She felt closer, anyway. Might as well make it physical. </p><p>“Lor’themar.” Liadrin replied simply. “I guess people like me don’t talk a lot, you know? Maybe that was always the problem. Maybe you looked like someone I could talk to. Maybe too much.” </p><p>“We probably would’ve found out we had more in common than we thought. We don’t have to talk, though.” Valeera offered in a near-whisper. “No pressure. It’s only one night, right?” </p><p>Liadrin breathed a barely audible sigh of relief at that. Even more relief flooded her when Valeera reached over and switched on the radio.</p><p>They both laughed when the lyrics of the first verse of ‘Betty Davis Eyes’ came through the speakers. Valeera didn’t miss the hint of nervousness in Liadrin’s laugh. </p><p>“Did you plan that?” She asked, her voice only gently teasing as she caught Liadrin’s gaze with her own. </p><p>Liadrin shook her head faintly, and Valeera smiled. “You can kiss me, you know.” </p><p>“Can I?” Liadrin asked as one of her ears lifted and the other one stayed where it had been. </p><p>Valeera looked her over carefully for a moment before slowly crawling into her lap. She fit easily between Liadrin and the steering wheel, thankfully. A honk probably would have ruined the moment. </p><p>“Yeah. You can totally kiss me, Liadrin.” </p><p>But Liadrin’s hands were already on Valeera’s thighs. Already stroking them through her fishnets and stopping at the edge of her skirt. </p><p>This made all those little curious nights behind the arcade and fumblings outside the bowling alley seem like nothing. Valeera had never been one of those small-town girls.</p><p>She’d always been something different. </p><p>And that had never been more apparent than it was when Liadrin leaned up and brushed their lips together. Valeera didn’t make her take a lead she still hadn’t grown confident enough to take. She simply returned each kiss just as softly as it was given until she finally parted her lips for the tip of Liadrin’s tongue to enjoy a moment of soft, questioning exploration. </p><p>Exploration that turned slowly into a letterman’s jacket crumpled in the passenger floorboard and a fully reclined driver’s seat. Maybe a little steam on the windows, after Liadrin’s hand finally found its way between her legs. </p><p>It was breathless and frantic and Valeera didn’t mind Liadrin’s lack of experience. Not at all. She didn’t mind that Liadrin seemed disinclined to undress her. She didn’t mind the breathless questions or how long it took for Liadrin to undo her bra beneath her shirt. </p><p>She didn’t even mind that it never ended up going very far. Just some touching. A few moments of hips rocking against hips. </p><p>Maybe she didn’t mind because Liadrin was softer and sweeter than she ever could have imagined. Maybe it was because she was so used to seeing her in the hallways of a school they’d both left behind or on a football field. Confident. Sure of herself. Sure of every joke and every chuckle and wink. </p><p>The difference was that this was real, and that wasn’t. This. These moments where she was laying against Liadrin’s chest wrapped in her jacket as Liadrin still tried to catch her breath to the sound of Juice Newton on the radio. </p><p>But Valeera had to leave in the morning. </p><p>She had more life to live out there. Away from this trap they’d both grown up in. </p><p>And Liadrin wasn’t going anywhere. She wasn’t ready. Not yet.</p>
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</div>Liadrin swallowed thickly as she killed the roar of the powerful engine in the car her father had only just gotten her a month ago.<p>Just a short month ago, when she’d gotten accepted into a school even he had approved of and come home to find a brand new Trans Am waiting for her in the driveway. </p><p>It was one of the few times they’d shared dinner together and actually discussed something other than Liadrin’s success. They’d talked about in Miami Vice. It was her dad’s favorite show right now. </p><p>They’d even talked about Liadrin’s interests. Ones that didn’t involve school or sports, despite how few they were. </p><p>It had been so nice.</p><p>It had felt so different. </p><p>Liadrin caught the first hot tear that fell down her cheek as she sat in the darkness of her car. It wasn’t the first. It probably wouldn’t be the last. </p><p>But at least she’d finally finalized the funeral plans. At least she’d finally gotten all the insurance stuff squared away. </p><p>Lor’themar had left a handful of voicemails, today. She’d ignored them on her way out the door.</p><p>Best she deal with this alone. </p><p>Better if nobody saw how close she was to breaking apart. </p><p>Once she felt like she could trust her knees not to give out on her, she finally got out of the car to make her way up the walkway to a house that now technically belonged to her. A too-big, too-empty ranch with too much yard to take care of and too many rooms to clean. </p><p>She was used to the porch light being on.</p><p>She was used to her dad leaving the porch light on for her.</p><p>But it wasn’t on. She’d have to remember that next time she left. </p><p>She was still fumbling to find her house key a while later. He’d always left it unlocked until she got home, too. Another thing to get used to.</p><p>Until the sound of a car door distracted her and she turned with her ears pressed tightly back to see a cab driving away and a woman standing in its place. </p><p>The closer she got, the harder Liadrin’s heart pounded in her chest. </p><p>Valeera. </p><p>Valeera, who she hadn’t seen since they were basically kids.</p><p>Valeera, who wrote her now and again. Who sent her pictures of all the places she went. Pictures that were tucked away in a box beneath Liadrin’s bed. Even a picture of her. One that Liadrin had asked for in one of her letters she’d written in return. </p><p>Before she knew it, she was burying her face in Valeera’s shoulder. Nearly lifting her off her feet as a shudder wracked her entire body. Her exhausted, aching body. </p><p>“I’m so sorry.” Valeera whispered as she held Liadrin’s head tightly against herself. “Tess told me. I was on assignment. I came as soon as I could. I’m so sorry.” </p><p>Liadrin sobbed, then. Such a broken, empty noise that made Valeera glad she’d started splurging on waterproof mascara. Because even if Liadrin wasn’t really crying, Valeera sure was. </p><p>“Let’s get you inside.” Valeera whispered, still stroking over the back of Liadrin’s head and over her shoulders. “Let me see.” </p><p>With that, Valeera took the keys from Liadrin’s trembling hand and found the house key rather quickly, letting them both in and turning on a light here or there as she gently led Liadrin towards the kitchen and sat her down on a stool at the kitchen island, where there were mounds of paperwork Liadrin had no doubt been struggling through for days. </p><p>Valeera had a cup of coffee sitting in front of Liadrin before too long. Liadrin ignored it, though, in favor of reaching for Valeera. </p><p>Valeera didn’t put much stock in what was and wasn’t a bad idea. </p><p>Needs were needs. It didn’t have to be that deep. </p><p>So when Liadrin pulled her down into a kiss that was far too hard to be anything but a desperate, aching need to focus on anything other than what was happening, all Valeera could do was kiss her back. </p><p>All Valeera could do was try her best not to stumble up the stairs with Liadrin, where they stopped every so often to remove an errant article of clothing. </p><p>All of that unsureness and insecurity Liadrin had been fraught with years ago was gone. Replaced instead, by sure and steady hands and touches that were both strong and gentle in all the ways they needed to be. </p><p>There was grief, too. </p><p>God, was there grief. </p><p>Especially as Valeera’s legs met the edge of  Liadrin’s bed before she sat down on it only to find Liadrin falling to her knees in front of her. </p><p>“You came back.” Liadrin finally whispered breathlessly as she left a blazing trail of kisses up Valeera’s inner thigh. “You came back.” </p><p>“I couldn’t stay away.” Valeera responded earnestly, only stopping Liadrin long enough to pull her up onto the bed. “Up here.” She whispered. “With me.” </p><p>For the first time, Liadrin faltered. With Valeera utterly bare beneath her, and herself only in her underwear - she faltered. Looked at Valeera questioningly. </p><p>Pleadingly. </p><p>Valeera reached to cradle Liadrin’s face and pull it down so she could kiss her. More gently this time. A kiss that lingered and threatened to turn into more until Valeera stopped it. “I’m here, Liadrin. Whatever you need, I promise I need it, too.” </p><p>Amazing, what a few years could do. </p><p>How they could turn Liadrin’s questioning, almost frantic touching into steady hands that parted her thighs and fingers that slowly circled her, toying with the wetness that had gathered on their way up the stairs until they were finally pressing into her. </p><p>Valeera’s head fell back and she dug her nails into Liadrin’s back as her strong hips came to join the already firm presence of her hand. A series of low, shaking moans left her as Liadrin drew her knees beneath herself and began working her. Slow and long and deep until they were both gasping roughly. </p><p>The pressure from Liadrin’s palm helped along by the solid weight of her body was just right. Just enough. </p><p>She was good. God, she was so good. Valeera came hard and fast, but she made no move to have Liadrin stop. Instead, she pressed her thigh between the other woman’s and tugged Liadrin’s hips down against it as they kept rocking, until it was Liadrin that was shuddering and whimpering into her neck.</p><p>“I want you to get off, too.” Valeera panted against her ear, splaying her fingers against the small of Liadrin’s back as the movements of her hips became considerably less rhythmic. All need and no grace. “Please.” </p><p>She needn’t have added that ‘please’. Even if it did speed things along a bit. </p><p>When Liadrin came, it was with something that sounded like a mix between a sob and a groan. </p><p>For a while, after Valeera got Liadrin out of her underwear and both of them underneath the sheets, she just ran her fingertips along Liadrin’s back. Liadrin, meanwhile, allowed herself to just bask in that feeling.</p><p>The feeling of having someone here. Of that ‘someone’ being Valeera. Who she had told more to through their letters than she’d ever told anyone.</p><p>Valeera, more than anyone, would know what she was feeling right now. The guilt of perhaps not having been grateful or appreciative enough. Maybe most importantly - just how utterly alone she had been feeling.</p><p>And maybe that’s why she was here. Liadrin didn’t ask.</p><p>She just slowly, finally, turned onto her back to look up at Valeera. “When do you have to go?” </p><p>Valeera shook her head and leaned down to brush a gentle kiss against Liadrin’s temple. “Just finished my last internship assignment and they didn’t keep me on. I’m free for a while.” </p><p>Liadrin went a while before she mustered up the courage to go on. “The funeral…”</p><p>“I’ll be there.” Valeera whispered, tucking some of Liadrin’s hair behind her ear. “Right next to you, if you’ll have me. And after that. I’m here for you. You deserve that. I’m not going anywhere until I know you’re okay.” </p><p>And Valeera had meant that. </p><p>She’d held Liadrin’s hand at the gravesite. Tightly. Tightly enough that Liadrin was slightly less scared that she was just going to fade into nothingness as she was confronted with the finality of it all.</p><p>And then after. A week. Two weeks. A month went by before she finally told Valeera that she would be leaving for school.</p><p>And instead of being disappointed or upset, Valeera was overjoyed. Liadrin had never been picked up before. Yet somehow, Valeera managed it that morning Liadrin had told her. </p><p>She’d even helped her pack. Quite happily, too. Liadrin was pretty sure she’d never made anyone as proud as Valeera was those last few days. </p><p>But ‘wrong place at a wrong time’ was a thing. A very real, very present thing. </p><p>And they would leave in seperate cars. Liadrin would drive herself to a few hours West to school, and Valeera would take a cab to the airport. </p><p>Because Liadrin was okay, now. </p><p>Liadrin was ready. Finally ready to get out of that place.</p><p>And the last thing Valeera wanted to do was hold her back.</p>
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</div>Liadrin had been looking out over the airport from the hood of her rented S-Class for at least an hour, now.<p>In her glovebox, a ticket and a copy of the contract she’d signed with a big-time accounting firm that had snatched her up as soon as she’d become available. </p><p>Everything had lined up, really. She had a nice apartment waiting for her. She’d found a buyer for the house. Her car had even already been shipped ahead of her. A little early, maybe. But that was okay. The rental was nice. </p><p>With a quiet sigh, she tore her attention from the lights below to the worn box she’d been holding in her lap. A box she opened slowly. A box whose contents were too precious to her to just be shipped off with the rest of her things. </p><p>One by one, she looked through the letters that had never stopped coming. Then through the pictures. Some of them, developed at the pharmacy. Some of them, printed right from Valeera’s beloved polaroid. </p><p>Her favorites were the ones of them together. A summer that should have been the worst of her life, yet had turned into something that had changed her forever. Something that had turned her into someone that could and would become more than this place and these people. </p><p>A crack of lightning startled her from her daze and she rushed to stash the box away in her car before those first few drops of rain could ruin anything. </p><p>In her near-panic, one had slipped. She chased after it as her coat whipped around her until she nearly stumbled when she finally caught up to it and looked down at the image as her brow furrowed. A picture of her leaned over a pinball machine. Smiling. </p><p>She remembered with a rush when she’d found that picture stashed in her wallet the morning after that first night. </p><p>The thing Valeera had left her with. </p><p>The start of something that had made her most of what she was, rather directly or indirectly. </p><p>She thought she saw another crack of lightning from the corner of her eye. </p><p>Until she heard the still-recognizable sound of a Polaroid feeding out a picture. </p><p>With rain running down her face and into her eyes, she turned just in time to see Valeera lowering her camera slowly from her eye. </p><p>She was already as soaked as Liadrin was. Cabs probably didn’t drive to the top of the hill, after all. </p><p>Yet, the corners of her ruby red lips turned up slightly as Liadrin tried to remind herself how to breathe. </p><p>“What are you doing here?” Liadrin asked in a breathless whisper that Valeera had to strain to hear over the rain. </p><p>“Looking for you!” Valeera called out. </p><p>Liadrin took a few steps forward now that she was absolutely sure this wasn’t just some sort of trick her mind was playing on her. “Why?” </p><p>“Because I can’t live without you.” Valeera said, a little softer now that Liadrin was closer. </p><p>And then Liadrin was pulling her coat off to drape it over Valeera’s shoulders as she continued looking at her in disbelief. </p><p>“Because I’ve tried. I’ve been all over the place, and I don’t wanna be anywhere you aren’t.” </p><p>“I have a flight in the morning…” Liadrin said as her forehead came to lean against Valeera’s. She didn’t notice the rain, suddenly. Not even when it ran into her eyes and soaked through her shirt. </p><p>“Duh.” Valeera responded quietly. “Why do you think I’m standing here getting my camera wet and letting my makeup run all over the place?” </p><p>“Are...are you coming with me?” Liadrin asked breathlessly, finally wrapping her arms around Valeera beneath her coat and pulling her closer. <i>Please. You’re all that’s missing. You were always all that was missing.</i></p><p>Between them, Valeera reached into her bag and pulled out a plane ticket. “I’ve got nowhere else to be. I was hoping you’d say yes.”  </p><p>“Yes.” Liadrin breathed as she swept Valeera off her feet to spin her around - mud on her new shoes be damned. “Yes, yes, yes.” </p><p>Finally the right place.</p><p>Finally the right time. </p><p>Finally.</p>
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  <p>"Pictures Of You"</p>
  <p>I've been looking so long at these pictures of you<br/>
That I almost believe that they're real<br/>
I've been living so long with my pictures of you<br/>
That I almost believe that the pictures are<br/>
All I can feel</p>
  <p>Remembering you<br/>
Standing quiet in the rain<br/>
As I ran to your heart to be near<br/>
And we kissed as the sky fell in<br/>
Holding you close<br/>
How I always held close in your fear<br/>
Remembering you<br/>
Running soft through the night<br/>
You were bigger and brighter and wider than snow<br/>
And screamed at the make-believe<br/>
Screamed at the sky<br/>
And you finally found all your courage<br/>
To let it all go</p>
  <p>Remembering you<br/>
Fallen into my arms<br/>
Crying for the death of your heart<br/>
You were stone white<br/>
So delicate<br/>
Lost in the cold<br/>
You were always so lost in the dark<br/>
Remembering you<br/>
How you used to be<br/>
Slow drowned<br/>
You were angels<br/>
So much more than everything<br/>
Hold for the last time then slip away quietly<br/>
Open my eyes<br/>
But I never see anything</p>
  <p>If only I'd thought of the right words<br/>
I could have held on to your heart<br/>
If only I'd thought of the right words<br/>
I wouldn't be breaking apart<br/>
All my pictures of you</p>
  <p>Looking so long at these pictures of you<br/>
But I never hold on to your heart<br/>
Looking so long for the words to be true<br/>
But always just breaking apart<br/>
My pictures of you</p>
  <p>There was nothing in the world<br/>
That I ever wanted more<br/>
Than to feel you deep in my heart<br/>
There was nothing in the world<br/>
That I ever wanted more<br/>
Than to never feel the breaking apart<br/>
All my pictures of you</p>
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